Author: Tesni
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Growing
Really exhausted with being in pain, and I know so many have chronic pain, and I am fortunate that I am expected to heal from mine. I just feel like time is getting away from me while I sit still in Endurance Mode. But, I am extremely grateful for my home. It’s quiet and peaceful…
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Toothache
Part of why I’ve been in such an extended bleak mood lately is because I’ve had an infected tooth since the middle of February & it’s really draining. I did a round of antibiotics and then yesterday was finally able to have a root canal done. Unfortunately something is up with the root canal and…
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Dim
The other night it was so foggy that I looked out my window and saw nothing but my neighbor’s distant light like a planet in a dim sky. The snow fell through the fog, hardly visible. I desire no contact. In this life I am an alien. I will hold aloof all my life because…
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Wasp
I saw a wasp crawling on the snow on my front porch. A reminder that I am building a bitter and inhospitable life. I will dig deep into the frozen mud and find the little bones of the animals that have died there.
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Life on the Mountain
I dreamed of being trapped between layers of deep water. I am crawling up the walls of my mind but there is, of course, no escape. No quiet and no stillness. Once again I remember how much I look forward to the end. The only clarity I have is in my own unbelonging, a result…
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Saying What I Mean
Sometimes I feel like the only way I can say what I mean is to be unclear. This is the only way to be precise: to deviate a little from every day existence and use the exact words that arise. If I attempt to make myself understood, I lose everything. If I attempt to use…
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Green Mantle
Last night I dreamed of the spring mountains, which I called green-mantled, and of finding a dead perching bird in the snow. Lately I’ve been going to bed under the bright eye of Jupiter. I look up at the many stars and think of where I will go and where I might be. Jupiter sets…